That I will never be good enough for anyone and while my friends move on in life I will be stuck here with depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts

One day I’ll fail a test

My teachers already don’t look at me like I’m smart. I worry that if I don’t get perfect grades on all my exams they’ll think I’m just a kid who studies too much. I feel like I constantly have to prove myself to everyone around me.

I currently have zero friends and worry that I’ll never make any.

I can’t go swimming with my friends or family becouse there are to many scars on my legs

Just when I start to feel better, the sadness comes back.

Missing school because of anxiety

I worry about my boyfriend, and if he will ever be happy again.

I’m scared to trust because everyone who I loved secretly didn’t love me, and they all left

I’ve been bullied basically since I started school. I just never truly realized it until around grade 4 or 5. Back then I only thought people who weren’t my friends were bullying me. But just last year (Grade 10) I realized my best friends were my biggest bullies. They put me down. Made jokes at my expense. Ditched me. Ran off on me with my stuff at the mall. So I took it upon myself to end my friendship with them. But now I have anxiety because I’m still bullied. I have no friends in my class or school as a matter of fact. I’m lucky I have stuff on at every lunch because the two days I don’t are hell. I’ve had anxiety attacks at school and at home but I don’t want to tell my parents because I think that they’ll just get mad at me for it.

That I’ll never feel like me again.

I’m the fat friend…

I feel like people are always making me feel bad, a lot of the time I’m called….. Shorty, Twig …

Ive been very upset and Depressed when i got bullied

Basically my life consists of this big mystery illness. Constantly nauseous and vomiting, but no other signs of any kind of sickness. Some doctors wanna tell me it’s my anxiety and panic attacks, but some other doctors (like my psychiatrist) are completely against that idea, and are positive that is not it. I used to make myself puke to get rid of water weight, which was fine because I was in control, but not it’s completely out of my hands. In hospital every other day, ambulances, being admitted Abe never leaving with an answer to this mystery that has ruined my life so profoundly, but has also helped in a way. Last time I weighed myself is when I got admitted this week, it’s been several days since I’ve got to check again. I’m anxious. I don’t wanna eat and vomit, I don’t wanna eat and blow up and get even fatter because I haven’t been able to eat in so long while in hospital. My weight on the hospital scale was 61kg, that’s scares me. I want to get better but I don’t want to get fat, my mind and body are telling me two different things. When I’m extremely sick I find myself miserable, sometimes I’ll even pray to make it stop, I’m not religious but it gives me hope. But then when I feel better, I just find myself trying to find ways to keep loosing weight, nothing works as effectively as the puking so sometimes I even find myself wishing to get sick again. I know that sounds selfish and it’s not the hospital attention I want, I just wanna be thin. And beautiful. I just want skinny. Light as a feather, skinny as a rail. I want to BE skin and bones. And it’s tearing my life apart..

Why can’t my life be over? I wish I could get a serious illness to die from, I don’t want to have a painful death. I do not want to suffer. But then I feel selfish for all the individuals fighting for their lives, and for my family, but why couldn’t they be happy for me and just say, “she’s finally where she wanted to be” Six years, six years in and out of hospitals, off and on medications. Will my life always be like this? I don’t want to cause pain to myself because I experience enough pain in my everyday life, that’s why I want it to end. Will an overdose make me suffer?

What about when I’m older and I reach a difficult point? What if I relapse into my old ways

I’m going through so much. My family has money issues and my mom constantly talks to me about my parents divorce and the money issues. I know she needs someone to talk to, but I’m only 13! I only understand some of what’s going on an its to much for me to handle. I don’t want to know about all of this

my anxiety is worse than my depression, but I’m starting to control it.

The people in my community are so fake and two faced I’m not sure if I can handle finishing grade 12 here next year