One month ago my big brother killed himself. I hope I can find the strength to be whole again and for the world to start making sense again. Right now I feel so lost.

I have suffered from depression and anxiety for years, I went through tons of bad relationships, got into fights with people over the most stupidest things, dealt with a bad few years as a kid growing up suffering from the things i’ve witnessed as a kid, always getting blamed and yelled at for things I wouldn’t do. Then as I got a bit older and those things started going out of my head I started realizing I can be a better person. I graduated from high school this year… I was in college for a few weeks doing a course that I was so happy about doing until one day just to much came upon me and I couldn’t handle it.. had to quit because I couldn’t handle all the stress and work that was piling up on me so I needed a break. For along while I was trying to figure me out trying to see what was best for me and where I needed to be… From fighting these thoughts in my brain was hard but for the last 4 years I been fighting the battles that i go through and still do to this very day.. Thought about wanting a little one coming into my life already.. when I realized I’m to stressed out and don’t know if i could handle taking on a big responsibility like that so i decided not too.. but going through this depression, anxiety and stress I have I just can’t do it! I decided right now I need to do me and figure out what is the best decisions and choices for myself.. and see what the future has in store for me! Just want to leave my past in the past and finally move on to better things!

My hope is to manage my anxiety and live a fulfilling life. I also hope we will eliminate stigma and have access to quality mental health care no matter where you live in the province.

I have suffered from mental illness all my life but have had a career, raised a family, and look forward to retirement. Was it easy? At times no, even considered suicide once. What got me through it was the ability to adjust my work life to make it bearable. What I found the most difficult was the treatment of workers as all the same, but they are not. For me, continual contact with people was physically and mentally draining. I countered this by seeking out jobs that limited my contact with people and where possible took full advantage of work from home programs. This can be done and you can still have a professional career but it takes finding an employer who understands and is supportive of your needs. I now take it upon myself to make the executive in the organisation aware of the possible mental health impacts of their workplace decision since I am fully aware that most people with an illness similar to mind would never be able to do so. I encourage others to do the same, you will find that most managers will be receptive to and thankful for your comments.