I worry that my boyfriend will move on to another girl

Ive been very upset and Depressed when i got bullied

Basically my life consists of this big mystery illness. Constantly nauseous and vomiting, but no other signs of any kind of sickness. Some doctors wanna tell me it’s my anxiety and panic attacks, but some other doctors (like my psychiatrist) are completely against that idea, and are positive that is not it. I used to make myself puke to get rid of water weight, which was fine because I was in control, but not it’s completely out of my hands. In hospital every other day, ambulances, being admitted Abe never leaving with an answer to this mystery that has ruined my life so profoundly, but has also helped in a way. Last time I weighed myself is when I got admitted this week, it’s been several days since I’ve got to check again. I’m anxious. I don’t wanna eat and vomit, I don’t wanna eat and blow up and get even fatter because I haven’t been able to eat in so long while in hospital. My weight on the hospital scale was 61kg, that’s scares me. I want to get better but I don’t want to get fat, my mind and body are telling me two different things. When I’m extremely sick I find myself miserable, sometimes I’ll even pray to make it stop, I’m not religious but it gives me hope. But then when I feel better, I just find myself trying to find ways to keep loosing weight, nothing works as effectively as the puking so sometimes I even find myself wishing to get sick again. I know that sounds selfish and it’s not the hospital attention I want, I just wanna be thin. And beautiful. I just want skinny. Light as a feather, skinny as a rail. I want to BE skin and bones. And it’s tearing my life apart..

Why can’t my life be over? I wish I could get a serious illness to die from, I don’t want to have a painful death. I do not want to suffer. But then I feel selfish for all the individuals fighting for their lives, and for my family, but why couldn’t they be happy for me and just say, “she’s finally where she wanted to be” Six years, six years in and out of hospitals, off and on medications. Will my life always be like this? I don’t want to cause pain to myself because I experience enough pain in my everyday life, that’s why I want it to end. Will an overdose make me suffer?

What about when I’m older and I reach a difficult point? What if I relapse into my old ways

I’m going through so much. My family has money issues and my mom constantly talks to me about my parents divorce and the money issues. I know she needs someone to talk to, but I’m only 13! I only understand some of what’s going on an its to much for me to handle. I don’t want to know about all of this

my anxiety is worse than my depression, but I’m starting to control it.

The people in my community are so fake and two faced I’m not sure if I can handle finishing grade 12 here next year

I feel like my friends aren’t actually my friends. I mean, it used to just be a few jokes at my expense, just teasing, right. And it was the same with everyone, I guess it was distributed equally. And the jokes were funny too, but now it’s not. They’re always at my expense, and they think I have this list of guys that I like, and every time I try to tell them any differant, they don’t listen. They even go and tell people that I like them. When I have no feelings for them, whatsoever. Which is really mean. I don’t even know some of them… But they can be sweet like 20% of the time too, I know 20 is a failing grade but still, I’ve known these people since I was little. Should I tell them too stop or just back away? I’m so lost… Help.

My ex-boyfriend picking up smoking again

This world is getting more beautiful to me.. Everyone is gifted! I’m just worried I’m too far gone..I feel like I’m being born again! Tomorrow will be tough and that’s another worry : (

I can’t get out of my head everything feels like a mess inside and I have no way out

I feel like I’m not good enough for anyone.

I worry that all my friends are prettier than me

Whenever I’m around a lot of other people my age, and I hear them talking, it makes me feel like I’m 20 years older than I am, maybe because my views on things and those of others are so different….. Am I the only one who wishes that people would actually do things for themselves and not wait for people to do it for them? For people to actually do something with themselves? I always feel like I’m in my own bubble, completely separate from everyone else.

I don’t want to go to grad, I don’t have a date, no one wants to go with me

I don’t think I actually have any friends. My “friends” text my boyfriend but they don’t text me. It’s been over 6 months since any of them texted me. I don’t know what I did wrong. My boyfriend just laughs it off. Buy it actually really bothers me

People might realize that I’m not as sane as they think…. The eyeless people aren’t helping.

I’m worried my friends and family are gonna find out what goes through my head and never talk to me again.

I feel like I’m wasting my life worrying about everything but I can’t stop worrying